Gnothi Seauton – KNOW THYSELF!

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“See who is the doubter, who is the thinker. It is the ego. Hold it; the other thoughts will die away – the ego will be left pure. See the source from where the ego arises and abide in it. That is pure consciousness.” ~ Ramana Maharishi

“I am amused at how thick skinned you …’ ‘If you had any self-respect left, you wouldnt have…” Little did i know that behind these seemingly innocuous remarks hid the unfolding of a higher purpose and that they would be so instrumental in bringing about the fundamental shift in my awareness about myself, the “I” that i thought i was, and would help me recognize the connection between the ossified structures within my mind and new dimension of consciousness which was waiting to emerge from the purity of my being!

I kept wondering why did i not think of my self respect, when i left that simple comment on my spiritual soulmates blog …..or kept trying to connect with him to seek forgiveness for the pain i caused him due to my insensitive behaviour; and restore atleast the harmony, if not the relationship between 2 souls, who once connected at such sublime levels.

Why didnt i feel diminished by his rude response? Or feel the pain of his harsh words? Why did I choose to just observe his reactions, and not react by developing negative feelings about him?.. Why am i still trying to connect to him, when he has asked me to go-away?…Whats making me cling to my need to explain myself?….Questions about my identity and behaviour filled up my mind and i kept wondering about my emotional numbness.

When the mental noise subsided I realized that i was deriving my identity, a sense of who i am, from the perceptions, interpretations, emotions and opinions of my egoic-monkey mind which was conditioned by my past….and the judgements few people in my life had about me.

At times the voice said you are beautiful…sometimes dorky…stupid..sometimes screwed-up…..positive spirit…gorgeous, loser, intense…stuck-up……..which of these labels, was true about me? Though i did feel fluttered when he spoke cutting words….but something within me was still purely, intensely alive. What was that?

Though the ego felt i had lost myself, so called mind-made self, i went through a queer sense of expansion within and realized that “I” had no form, body to identify with….the SELF and the “I” that i am(observer) is timeless,formless and eternal and it needs no attributes given by my mind to feel the purity of its being.

I had come to this life to grow in consciousness and break the barriers of mind made limitations…The real “I” is divine and sublime and it feels no pain nor any pleasure which are nothing but the interpretations of my mind.

I am grateful to my spiritual soulmate, for having brought me to this awareness of my inner being and gifting me the most precious gift of “MYSELF, and the ultimate truth of who I am; is not I am this or that, but I AM.

“Put your awareness to work, not your mind. The mind is not the right instrument for this task. The timeless can be reached only by the timeless. Your body and your mind are born subject to time; only awareness is timeless, even in the now.” ~ Nisargadatta Maharaj

Dig Deeper within YOU!

What lies behind us, and what lies before us are small matters compared to what lies within us ~ Ralph Waldo Emerson

One of the most enriching journeys i have ever had in my life so far has been….THE JOURNEY WITHIN.

I always believed having a beautiful soul and positive mind is all that one needs to effortlessly move on in this journey of life…little did i know that even a positive mind can have a whole lot of weeds silently thriving; emotions in the form of weeds buried deep since childhood…..which we carry all along till our last breathe.

Post my series of learning experiences last year i learnt one thing; that although mastering ones emotions is a prerequisite to living a whole life, mastery does not mean ignoring them…..which is what, i always did in the past….the moment i would feel less then positive emotions…would try smother it…bury it and reverse it to something positive by changing my thoughts…..barring situtations where i have let the tears flow…for emotional releases.

The inner being today gave me one of the most profound insights.

Emotional mastery is about recognizing your emotions, experiencing it, and then choosing whether or not you want to feel them….. Are they worthy of the energy that you give them by your attention?

I always had one deepest feeling within, which was of, not-being-good-enough…. I would always feel that i was not good enuff…the moment i would get that feeling, i would isolate myself…and distance myself from the source that triggered the negative pattern in my head.

No legacy is so rich as honesty.” – Shakespeare

The roots of which go to my childhood days…unconscious parenting strongly contributed to programming me into a person who had a poor self-worth, felt guilty of following her bliss…and starved for appreciation from my parents…..i hold no grudge against my parents as they were not aware of their unconscious ways and its effects on a childs mind.

But the way i processed emotions then, would have its bearing in my adult life is something which came as revelation to me….constant feedback pointing to the shortcomings in my personality ….would activate the drama of low self worth inside me and the unresolved painful emotions would surface….”see! you have failed again…you are not good enough”….you love what is reflected back to you that you love within you but you cringe what is reflected back to you that you dislike within you. …

The day i dumped myself from my relationship with my spiritual soulmate, i had got into that drama which was triggered by my families expectation from me, to fit into rules of the society, and i hate following rules, as i only follow rules of my heart.

I decided to move on…even though i felt deeply about him ….failing to understand the intent of my decision, i got judged and then rejected for my unconciousness……..loosing my relationship didnt pain me so much, ….. than having had hurt somebody who i genuinely respect and again having disappointed somebody whom i deeply felt for.

At the cost of being abused, i kept trying to restore the communication between us, and let him know that my moving on had its reasons beyond what he thought was the reason….all i wanted from him in those challenging times, was, to understand me…my weakness, and still love me…but what i got in galore was “rejection” and “judgements’.

In retrospect i feel, hadnt he done what he did, i would have never got acquainted with my true self….so completely as i am today….i will simply love him always for playing his crucial role so beautifully in the entire scheme of things.

But the deepest healing began when i started recognising-acknowledging-owning and facing my fears calmly and learning to accept myself fully…with all my idiosyncracies, my perceived faults, labels and judgements made by ego-dominated minds….the whole package unconditionally…..even if it meant i was the only person in the planet who loves me….:)

Loving myself unconditionally is the beginning of best healing i have ever received. Let the world perceive u as whatever their ego-centred mind tells them…always stay tuned to your inner being and never stop loving youself unconditionally.

These days I strongly believe i am a WORK-IN-PROGRESS piece…and work on my shortcomings without letting it belittle me, but happily realizing that i am getting better than yesterday; and tomorrow i will be better than today….when i say better, i mean, giving my my unconscious behaviour.

Dont ever drown yourself in the sea of negative perceptions people around you, have about u, when you can sublimally float in the ocean of your own LOVE.

So honour yourself unconditionally. Falling in love with “myself” has been the best gift this year has given me…..and seriously, it seems like the most fulfilling relationship i have got into.

You cannot be lonely if you like the person you’re alone with. ~ Dr. Wayne W. Dyer

Only LOVE is real!

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Anyone can slay a dragon, he told me, but try waking up every morning & loving the world all over again. That’s what takes a real hero. ~Brian Andreas

Its 3.35 am in the morning…physical conditions seem too much for me to handle and i have called my mom to let her know, i may need to get hospitalised..a thought, what if you dont return from the hospital… what is that one lesson your soul would want to share….and thats what has given me the strength to pen my thoughts.

Sadly, like me, lot of people, dont know what LOVE is…..and mistaken the mind-created DEEP ATTRACTION, ATTACHMENT & PASSION to be LOVE….Anything that mind conceives as good can someday be perceived as bad as well…thats the nature of monkey-mind, temporary and conditional…and so is attraction….when certain attributes in a person/place or thing appeals to our mind, we get attracted to it….and as soon as that particular attribute disappears or diminishes in that person/place or thing, the attraction starts fading or you loose it completely.

Loving somebody beautiful….somebody whos said the right things….done the right things….has the good things is soooooooooooooooooooooooooo easy.

Real love, from which emanates understanding and compassion…is when you STILL love the person who has not done the right things for you, not said the right things to you….is not physically attractive enough.

Our vibrations could resonate strongly with only the selected few…what we call chemistry…and with some, we could be completely off the vibrations…it is how we behave with these few whom you are not aligned…shows our true character, the REAL YOU…we need not associate with them and decide to move way from these people/place/thing…but entertaining bitterness or resentment or spewing labels only shows, our ego-mind is in action.

In my last one year of emotionally challenging times, i have realized, LOVE is an all encompassing feeling, i feel that for every single soul i have met in my journey of life.

Including all those who radiate at different frequencies than mine based on their own fears and have said or done things to hurt me….coz i have realized, only when your ego-consciousness has gripped you, you do/say rude things.

“Your task is not to seek love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it. ” ~ Rumi

The more i am getting successful at discarding my ego, through understanding the whole structure of ego, the more of that which is eternal and immeasurable is gushing out in me…you dont have to go to it…its right within you — and as LOVE, there is surely nothing else; its just that we have forgotten about this truth, and our ego(mind) further speedens this amnesia.

Everytime i have judged or criticised somebody (giving labels)…i have learnt its my ego in action which loves defining/analysing/labeling….My favourite quote, which i love being reminded everytime i see my ego-consciousness in action is

There are are only 2 primary emotions in the cosmos – LOVE & FEAR— All other emotions are nothing but a subset of these two. Each is powerful enough to subjugate the other.
Which one of these is consciously displayed more often, whilst encountering difficult situations over ones lifetime, would ultimately determine, how much one whould evolve and progress spiritually and emotionally.

Truth Liberates!

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”When you have come to the edge of all the light you have and step into the darkness of the unknown. Believe that one of the two will happen to you. Either you’ll find something solid to stand on Or you’ll be taught how to fly!” ~ Richard Bach

Last year around this time my brothers relentless calls to convince me against my wishes, exasperated me no end, I knew things could get sticky with his pushy and persistent nature and so the ONLY way was, i pluck myself off from my spiritual soulmates life. I had caused my family enough trouble once, didnt want them to go through pain once again, so this time i gave precedence to their wish than mine.

Much against my wishes i physically moved out of our relationship. Having given up somebody i so beautifully resonated with, little did my brother know…that none of his emotional pressure would ever work on me.

He had called again, thinking he could pursue me to kiss motherhood now….and he had chosen the soft spot. While i am on my sabbatical, I draw my income from investments in one of his ventures, its enough to sustain my major financial commitments, …he knew if he could hit this nerve….i would flutter and agree.

If you dont kiss motherhood till March 2010, i will return your investments, so you can fend for yourself… He knew once i kiss motherhood, he would be clipping my wings…..i could understand his genuine intentions, but his concern for me was laced with fear …i smiled and thanked him mentally, for having given me an opportunity to feel ’squeezed’….these days i welcome experiences that ’squeeze’ me, they give me an opportunity to stir up all residual, deep rooted emotions i have been trying to deal with…..fear, pain, insecurity, anger.

I could understand where he was coming from. As an elder brother, he was concerned about my well-being and wanted me to remain safe and follow what every other woman of my age would do…he knew his little sis had always lived her life on her own terms, societys rules were not her rules…. I appreciate his love and concern for me…but i believe when you love someone truly…set them free.

But this time i had made up my mind…to not live my life based on fear….the true purpose of every soul, is to evolve and overcome all deep rooted fears….we are responsible to observe-investigate-identify and work on our fears and release them….i could only empathize and help them overcome their fears.

Having received ‘labels’ galore in life, i have made a pact with my true-self to, NOT JUDGE and LABEL others; I welcome people without judgment who operate at different frequency, and ignore the pleadings of those who want me to lead my life their way. I see my family members on their own path of evolution and still love them for being there, just the way they are.

I called my mom, and calmly spoke about my intentions and tried assuaging her fears as well. I knew she would flutter and be anguished to hear it…i could see fear operating in her….it this fear which makes one follow the crowd and not chart ones own path,,,.i stuck to what my “inner truth” is…i tried soothing her fear with compassion….patience and empathy was the buzzword.

I sensed a huge release, for having spoken about my intentions….a sense of freedom for having spoken the truth and not living my life based on their fears.

I luvvv babies….they are succch a source of joy!!! But these days I find joy in sooo many little things of life that my life is fraught with joyful moments.

I personally dont think i need to be a mother, to experience those joyful moments and feel as a complete woman….When i pet my dog, i feel as much as i would have felt for my baby…. i speak to the birds who fly down to my balcony, just the way i would have spoken to my kids…. When i tend to my plants, i feel as much a mother would feel, when she takes care of her babies….right now i dont feel like being one, maybe the day i feel like, i will…but no compulsions.

I had to choose between my inner truth and their fear…the choice was obvious.

“If truth is leading you, it will also make decisions for you. And since these decisions are right, they will also make you feel right. Remember that truth will never lead you into a circumstance without also showing you exactly what to do while within it. It is truth’s very nature to reveal clearly to you your needful actions. It is impossible for truth to abandon you. If you feel abandoned, you should see that you have carelessly led yourself into the circumstance. This insight allows the cosmic compass to correct your life-direction.” ~ Friedrich Nietzsche

Soulmates!

“Don’t believe what your eyes are telling you. All they show is limitation. Look with your understanding, find out what you already know, and you’ll see the way to fly.” ~ Richard Bach

Last night a casual conversation with a friend prompted me to revisit my knowledge about “Soulmates”…and the article below in the Odysseymagazine, resonated strongly with my understanding of soulmates. Enjoy Reading!!

John Gray wrote in his book Mars and Venus on a Date ‘Choosing a soul mate is not a mental decision based on the pros and cons of a relationship. It is not an emotional decision based on comparing how a person makes you feel. It is not a physical decision based on how a person looks. It is much deeper. When our soul wants to marry our partner, it feels like a promise that we came into this world to keep’, says Thariza Steyn.

Richard Bach defined a soulmate as ‘one with whom we have made a mutual decision before the beginning of any life experience, with whom we have an agreement to meet in spacetime and demonstrate for each other the best we know about sharing love’.

John Gray also said that when our souls want to get married, it feels as if we have no choice. We have to do it if we are true to ourselves. It is this kind of commitment that can sustain a lifetime of love. It empowers us to make the necessary sacrifices and overcome the inevitable challenges that come with marriage; it graces us with the experience of incomparable joy and fufillment.

Marriage betweeen two souls is what happens the moment two people see each other, the moment two souls connect to each other.

From the angelic realm it is something that can be seen with great ease, for the light that shines forth is very bright. Neither soul gains anything. There is no missing piece provided by the other. But there is a power – an energy, like electricity – that one soul ignites within the other which allows that soul to come alive. When true marriage happens (marriage as viewed from the angelic realm) two souls find each other, and with no effort whatsoever, they bring alive within each other that power, that force.
Most people find or are found by their soul mates when they are not really looking. When you are ready your soul mate will appear.

Another important insight about soul mates is that they are never perfect. They will not have everything on your list of ideal qualities. They come with baggage. They, like you, have good days and bad days. They may not look the way you thought they would look, they may have flaws that you don’t like very much. They are not perfect, but when your heart is open and you know them, they are somehow perfect for you.

The love you spontaneously feel for a soul mate is the foundation for learning to share your life with someone, who in many ways, is very different from you. That love motivates you to cooperate, respect, appreciate, cherish, and admire that person. In this process, which is not always easy or comfortable, you become a better person. Your soul has a chance to grow.

If your life partner did not challenge you in some ways the best would not be drawn from you. Soul mates are the perfect partners to bring out the best in us, and sometimes this is done by having to work through issues. In a marriage, you have to overcome all kinds of negative tendencies – being too judgmental, critical, selfish, compliant, demanding, needy, rigid, accommodating, righteous, doubtful, impatient and so on. A soul mate gives you the opportunity to rise above these tendencies. When your dark side surfaces, you become stronger and more loving by exercising the love you feel deep in your heart to resolve an issue. In this process your soul, like the butterfly, has a chance to fly free.

When you are in tune with a soul mate it can gradually change your life in a most wonderful way. You will find a greater communion and a greater response from your soulmate. Your will does not become enslaved, it becomes expanded and this is the difference between attunement to an ego-centred person and being in tune with your soulmate.

Depending on the level of the two people, soulmates could convey their thoughts without a word and without talking. But, there can only be this communion when they are on the same level, and with the same intensity at the same time. When two people have the extraordinary quality of this state, where there is instant communication, it could be called love.

Even if these souls are ten thousand miles away from each other, if they think of each other and concentrate on each other with deep attention, they can receive the other one’s vibrations. They will begin to get to something that is beyond mere words. They will receive each other’s magnetism through thought.

You could call it love, but it is far more than the word you understand. These two souls bring alive the possibility of the fulfillment of each soul’s destiny through the very process of their meeting.

‘We recognise each other when we meet by signals arranged at a time and place we half remember from old dreams. The curve of a smile, fragments of shared memories, a phrase that two minds speak at just the same instant. And then we begin the dance we asked of each other before the music of time was written and enter upon the lives we’ve customised for our education and our delight.’ (Richard Bach)

“It is by not always thinking of yourself, if you can manage it, that you might somehow be happy. Until you make room in your life for someone as important to you as yourself, you will always be searching and lost” ~ Richard Bach

Article: http://www.odysseymagazine.co.za/ezine/ezine-artciles/soul-mates.html

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WAYNE DYER’S VIDEO LINKS
Soulmates by Wayne Dyer Part 1:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EXvtyK_xIWE&feature=related

Soulmates by Wayne Dyer Part 2:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cLn8AHHZXzY&feature=related

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Sources
1. Paramahansa Yogananda, Journey to Self-realisation, Self-Realisation Fellowship, 1997.
2. J.Krishnamurti in Dialogue with Buddhists, Can Humanity Change? Shambala Boston and London, 2003.
3. Richard Bach
4. Stevan J Thayer and Linda Sue Nathanson, PhD, Interview with an Angel. Edin Books, 1997.
5. John Gray, Mars and Venus on a Date

The “story” ends, but the “connection” continues.

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“It is wrong to think that love comes from long companionship and persevering courtship. Love is the offspring of spiritual affinity and unless that affinity is created in a moment, it will not be created for years or even generations” ~ Kahlil Gibran

In the last 6 months, i have visited my spiritual soulmates website several times, initially everytime i wanted to connect with him…later to observe the array of emotions which would stir up when i connect with him through his thoughts on his blog and website.

First few times, when i did that, my mind would start its incessant chatter trying to justify my side of the “story”. Thoughts would go on a rampage wanting to tell him the truth behind my abrupt exit,…just before our breakup, my mind entertained deluge of thoughts due to the situations in my life then; each succeeded in overwhelming me, finally…i dumped myself from our relationship; much against my wishes.

Post our breakup, my false-self even tricked me umpteen times to reach out to him, much against his wishes, to reveal my side of the “story”..every time i fell into my minds trap, i made an effort to unhook myself from the dominance of the false-self in my life.

As time passed, the more i got connected to my higher self, i noticed the incessant chatterings subsided, i felt no need to express or show my sublime feelings for him….i was happy atleast me being out of his life, would keep him away from all the turmoil in my life.

“Not being known doesnt stop the truth from being true” ~ Richard Bach

I had only physically moved away from him, emotionally i was still very much with him…I continued browsing through his posts….with the intention of observing the kinds of thoughts/desires that would arise in my mind. The common thing i noticed was, need to reach out to tell him the “story” from my end, coz the reason why i had dumped myself from his life, he never got to know the real reason why i did what i did…{Nor was he interested in knowing it }.

All i knew is, what he thought i said, was not what i intended, and what he interpreted was not what i meant…everytime the ego would start the “story” the soul would whisper “Whats REAL needs no convincing…where you faltered, you have already sought his forgiveness, so now, just LET-GO!!!!”

2 days back, something uncanny happened again. Just when i was stepping into the mall, to buy the book of Nisargadatta Maharaj - I AM THAT! My inner voice whispered – You are going to bump into him today! I ignored my inner voice, as just another of the myriads of thoughts that run amok in my mind throughout the day.

As soon as i stepped into the mall, BOOM! I saw him walking towards me with a companion. I smiled , so did he. I was jumping in joy, to have realized, that my inner voice had prompted me correctly.

As i walked towards the bookshop, i started again observing the thoughts/emotions that arose. I noticed there were no “story” but pure feeling of love and oneness with his evolved soul, sprinkled with gratitude from the core of my being for having played his role in the divine plan.

I wasnt dressed up in my best self but it didnt matter at all to me. In the past, i used to be conscious about my looks. I realized my mind had calmed a lot in he last 9 months….opinions, interpretations n labels of any kinds ceased to matter me.

As soon as i stepped out of the book shop, Boom! I see him walking right ahead of me towards the escalator. As my feet marched towards the exit gate…i switched back to my observing mode…there came a point where he was just an arms distance from me in the escalator, with nobody between him and me.

I switched to the observing mode again, my mind was calm…there was no “story” good, bad or ugly running in my mind..but a deep sense of gratitude/respect/love for him. I realised his physical presence felt no different than the way it felt when i meet him in thoughts…he was just a thought away!

On my way back, i wondered where the “story” had gone with the winds of time. I realised my effort to stay aligned to my higher self(soul), every moment of my life, diminishes the “story” my mind loves weaving.

I had sought his forgiveness for my insenstive behaviour but that didnt help. I have forgiven him for all his rude remarks against me, coz i could understand where he and his contempt for me was coming from..The only thing that matters, at the end of your stay on earth, is how well did we love, what was the quality of our love?

But now, i feel no need to give any explainations or justifications towards my past behaviour to anyone….As long as i know the truth, thats all that matters. So the “story” ends, but the “connection” continues.

I realised, loving somebody for the sake of being loved back by that person is, expectation. And not letting go, of the person whom you truly love is attachment. But loving somebody for the joy of loving, is pure love. The former is the minds need and later the souls essence.

“Your only obligation in any lifetime is to be true to yourself. Being true to anyone else or anything else is not only impossible, but the mark of a false messiah.” ~ Richard Bach

Soul Speaks!

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The other day somebody asked me, which was the most happiest moment of your life? And my mind had to gallop at lighting speed to span across a little more three decades of my life, to identify those moments. And when i shared the same, the person, thanked me profusely for sharing such a profound insight i received, in my meditation. Thats when i decided, i would want to share it with everyone as well.

This happened last year, my mom and i, were chatting in general, soon she started sharing her thoughts about her daughter-in-law curt behaviour…there came a point in our discussion, when i was trying my best to convince her to look at the situation with a positive frame of mind and continue loving her daughter-in-law despite her behaviour. She refused to budge from her point of view and that kind of exasperated me, as i just couldnt understand why loving somebody, who has hurt you, due to his or her immature behaviour.. is so difficult for some people.

Thats when i decided to end our conversation, as i didnt want to engage my emotional energy in something which didnt resonate with me…and went inside my bedroom to meditate, trying to get an insight as to why simple things in life seem so difficult sometimes.

I was just about getting deeper in my meditation, when i started pouring out my questions to my higher self and thats when i heard somebody speak.

Me: Why is it that shes finding it difficult to forgive X, for her cranky behaviour and simply love her just the way she is?
Master: You need to look at your mom with compassion, as she still has to evolve to a higher level of consciousness to learn and unlearn some aspects.

Me: What do you mean, i am not clear!?
Master: When you were in the class IX, you found it simple to understand Pythagorus Theorm, right? But, if you expect a student of class II, to understand Pythagorus Theorm, as simply as the class IX student, the student would not be in a position to understand, leave alone solve problems based on that theorm. In such a sitaution would you get angry on that class II student, as to why he doesnt understand this simple theorm? What would you do?

Me: Since i know hes in class II, i wouldn’t expect him to understand and continue treating him with compassion and not get irritated on him.
Master: Perfect! So treat her with compassion, as and when she moves from class II to class IX, she will easily understand the things that you think are simple to understand.

When i was thru with my meditation, i was calmer but a little dazed as to who was that who spoke to me??? I contemplated on what i had learnt, out of the blue. I wasnt sure as to, how i got to know this….and whos voice was that? I kept wondering about this new found knowledge and its application in our day-to-day life.

Just few months back, i happened to buy the book Messages From The Masters by Dr- Brian Weiss…And in that i read;

Earth could be compared with a schoolhouse where the various classes are not separated but all students, regardless of their level, are learning in the same classroom. In this one-room schoolhouse we call the earth, we do not learn all of our lessons simultaneously. For example, we may have already mastered the course in compassion and charity, but we may only be beginners when it comes to patience or forgiveness. We may be graduate students in faith and hope, but kindergartners in anger or non-violence.

Similarly, we may carry over skills and talents learned in earlier incarnations, skills we have mastered, yet we may be novices in other areas. We have among us many who have mastered certain courses and skills, and they are here to share their knowledge with us, the students. In other areas, our roles may reverse.

Thus we are all teachers and we are all students, and we must share our knowledge with each other. Many physicians have chosen to be doctors in order to manifest their healing abilities, to help and to teach others. Conversely, a wise physician will always be open to learning from his or her patients. The patient might be able to teach the physician about love, about courage, about inner peace, or any of the other lessons we are here to learn. Both physician and patient benefit.

We must allow our minds to return to what is important–love, peace, eternal life, spiritual thoughts and practices–and to put aside what is unimportant–material things, pride and ego, violence, fear, worry, and hatred.

I guess, till we dont pass with flying colours all the subjects of life, we keep coming back, attracting experiences/people who stir up deep rooted beliefs/fears in us and provide opportunities to heal/transcend them….its upto us , how we perceive those challenging situations or people.

After reading the book when i realized; what i had heard or learnt was none other than Masters guiding me….my happiness knew no bounds! I have had many happy moments in my life, but none to match this!

BREAK F-R-E-E!!

(Image Source: Flickr.com Sunny Marrys Photostream)

We wait all these years to find someone who understands us, I thought, someone who accepts us as we are, someone with a wizard's power to melt stone to sunlight, who can bring us happiness in spite of trials, who can face our dragons in the night, who can transform us into the soul we choose to be. Just yesterday I found that magical SOMEONE is the face we see in the mirror: It's us and our homemade masks."
~ Richard Bach

During my recent trek to the Himalayas, i happen to meet a doc who was nursing a broken heart, and during our conversations, which sauntered from one thing to another…she expressed how she longs to meet her Mr Right, her soulmate.

In her i could see my past self, wherein my mind, had managed to convince me to seek a relationship where i could dive to the depths i wished to go to, emotionally,spiritually & physically!

It all starts with the wrong idea that you are NOT whole and complete, and you need to find the person/situation/thing who will fill the missing bit, someone who will love you…and we expect this person to keep being the source of love to make us feel complete and whole….like an all-encompassing resource. And if the source flickers so does our happiness quotient.

Situations in my life last year, triggered me to embark on, one of the most adventurous, fascinating and fulfulling journeys of my life, the journey within,..I knew i would need to be courageous to take my false-self, head on, without any condemnation and justifications.

They say that when healthy bones heal from a break, they are strongest in the place where they were once broken? Same goes with spiritual broken bones. I knew one thing, my mind, that had all these unconsciousness(fear, self-doubt, anger) could also help me reach the strongest aspect of myself.

While progressing through the stages of insight uncovered during my self-discovery, every action, every thought i generated lead me constantly to the brink of discovering my true self…. And i knew from that wider n deeper knowledge of the ways of our mind, it was possible to proceed further…it is possible for the mind to be quiet, to receive that which is R-E-A-L…a state of freedom, from perceived state of insufficiency and therefore from all wanting and clinging…to break free from the illusions.

The thoughts that used to send us into deep despair/anger—these same thoughts, once understood, send us into sheer joy! Our monkey-mind, is the only hindrance to reach the pool of authentic love/stillness.

Once the mind is met with understanding, it can always find its way back home to the blissful peace, which is elusive in the external world, but abounds deep within each of us.

Understanding my mind lead me to penetrating insights about the illusions i weaved around my life…When somebody sees through our illusions and give us critical feedback, we quickly get defensive, and sometimes become quite enraged.

If we look at those arguments in which tempers flare and voices are raised, we’ll find that most are sparked by our feeling that someone else has injured the narcissistic image we cherish about ourself….The pain, irritation and anger that you feel, only shows you, that there is something yet to investigate within your own self.

After having tasted alllll kinds of materialistic pleasures in its highest forms in this life, until recently even the fleeting blissful joy…i have learnt if there is something which is worth seeking passionately, its the inner joy which abounds within us. Compared with this joy, materialistic pleasure sadly falls short….coz pleasure doesn’t endure long enough to sustain the fleeting happiness; and it leaves us craving for more.

Nothing outside you can ever give you what you’re looking for….We’re all looking for love, in our confusion, until we find our way back to the realization that, love is what we already are.

To experience it, we dont need to seek a partner, who can bring us that love; we can connect to our authentic love, anytime anywhere, 24×7, as thats always constant, within you! Absolutely free of cost.

“Once the call of the True Self is heard not only with the heart but also with the mind and conscience there will be no way back to the way things have been. Sooner or later we will recognize that we no longer have any choice but to allow ourselves the extraordinary freedom to go all the way in this life. Because, after all, if we have begun to see through the illusory world that the ego creates and have heard the call of the True Self to live our lives for a greater purpose—what else is there to do?”
~ Andrew Cohen

Relationships take us deeper n deeper into stories…but we fail to notice the possibility of simply being with ourselves and discover that inside us is that, what we call authentic Love… Getting closer to our own truth may lead us to feeling more joy and, at the same time may uncover places where we are holding or grieving.

We are so busy with this other so-called love(read attraction/attachment), …that we fail to notice, that which is within the reach…and freely available…Initially you can experience it in the midst of nature…sitting by the river, walking in the forest…the beauty and the power of this love can blow us off! It takes away all our thoughts and we become fully present…nothing happens and but we feel abundantly nurtured! When you contemplate beauty in nature and something within you responds deeply to it, close your eyes for a moment and feel the essence of that love or that beauty within you, inseparable from who you are, your true nature.

Arent we searching for these moments all our life??

And to reach that inner essense, without the deepening knowledge of your true-self(soul) and false-self (mind), do what you will, to alter any external circumstances or influences ….it will end in despair!!

Does that mean you shouldnt seek a companion? Sharing your life with someone whos frequencies resonate with yours, results in harmonious relationship! When you get into a relationship without any attachments, the whole course of relationship changes, as you no longer cling to your partner as the missing peice of your life, you no longer expect anything from your partner. You share your life together, just for the joy of being together! You dont wish to own anyone! But, even the most harmonious relationship cant be the permanent source of joy and peace, which otherwise abounds within each one of us!

When Fredie Mercury sang the song I WANT TO BREAK FREE, he must have sang it for his sweetheart! But wonder why, when i sing this song these days, i feel its my sacred-self (soul) singing it to my false-self, my mind!

In the words of Marianne Williamson:

“Love is what we are born with. Fear is what we learn. The spiritual journey is the unlearning of fear and prejudices and the acceptance of love back in our hearts. Love is the essential reality and our purpose on earth. To be consciously aware of it, to experience love in ourselves and others, is the meaning of life. Meaning does not lie in things. Meaning lies in us.”

Take the wind out of the minds sail!

(Image Source : Flickr.com Laura Travels)

“Knowing others is intelligence; knowing yourself is true wisdom.” ~ Lao-tzu, 6th century bc Chinese philosopher, founder of Taoism from Tao Te Ching

I am amazed at the way our human mind entertains the deluge of thoughts every minute!!! Like the unstoppable waves in the ocean…mind cannot stop having thoughts.

Today a crank call from a desperate guy, irked me no end, and even if we don’t want to feel angry, we’re swept away by such feelings and the physical sensations that accompany them.

But since the time i have started practising mindfullness, which is to become aware of awareness; the “wind” of emotion still blows…i do get carried away by the wind as well, but the moment I turn my attention inward, watching the shifts and changes, with the intention of becoming familiar with that aspect of consciousness that recognizes my thoughts and feelings…as if “ah, i am angry!”…. the emotions cease to blow me away any further, as if the mind suddenly looses its momentum! I guess its the ability to CATCH ourselves doing it that gives us the power to correct.

We can begin to watch our thoughts and emotions without necessarily being affected by them quite as powerfully as we’re used to. We can still feel our feelings, think our thoughts, but slowly our identity shifts from a person who defines herself as loser, to a person who can look at low self-esteem as movements of the mind.

Everytime i have confronted my feelings and thoughts, i learnt they are opportunities for me to begin to work more directly with the entrenched beliefs that perpetuate emotional challenges….seeing emotions/ thoughts evaporate as soon as mindfullness is brought in to the consciousness, are wonderful moments…may i live many more of those moments.

Something tells me, the root of some of the unconsciouisness i have in me, can melt away, with me practising mindfullness every moment….so what if, presently, i have a loooooong way to go….dont they say, the journey of thousand miles begins with a single step and in the immortal words of Aristotle: “We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence then, is not an act, but a habit.”

“Do not be impatient with your seemingly slow progress. Do not try to run faster than you presently can. If you are studying, reflecting and trying, you are making progress whether you are aware of it or not. A traveler walking the road in the darkness of night is still going forward. Someday, some way, everything will break open, like the natural unfolding of a rosebud.” ~ Vernon Howard from The Power of Your Supermind

w.w.i.d.w.u.

(Image Source: Flickr.com Rob Hudsons Photostream)

Noorvondu Nenapu Hridayaaladinda;Haadaagi Bantu Anandinda.
Hundreds of memories blissfully pour out in the form of melodious notes from the core of my being.

How apt this regional song seems to me today, as it was on this day, last year, you walked into my life.

Little did i know on that day, your entry into my life would mark the beginning of the transformation which lay ahead.

“Words, words and words is all that you have”…is what you had reprimanded me one day, and today words fail me, as the feeling of gratitude overflows my being, for having played your crucial role in the divine plan so perfectly.

Your pure emotions, love, guidance, angry words and finally the contempt towards me, each helped me inch closer to my blissfully peaceful life today.

Thanks for all the transformation you brought in my life through your presence and now through your absence.

Hadnt it been for you, i wouldnt have known that until i understand how to transcend the separative thinking, the false self, the process of giving emphasis to “Me” and the “Mine”, one can never experience peace…Hadnt it beeen for you, i wouldnt have discovered my sacred self and known the bliss of living with my sacred self in command.

w.w.i.d.w.u.{What would i’ve done without you!!!!!}

May all your deepest desires come true!!!

Love,
P…u

If you can trust yourself, when all men doubt you…

What struck me about the words below, is Kiplings abundant use of ‘opposites’ pouring guidelines to live an ethical life, free from attachment to the egos delusion (minds creation) and be more aligned to our spiritual-self (Soul). To me the words seem to indicate that the material world, we live in, is nothing but an illusion, nothing more and nothing less.

If we can move on in the journey of life with equanimity and not get too attached to the various experiences of our life and yet have the fortitude of starting afresh, then we have learnt to transcend our ego-personality selves.

“If” By: Rudyard Kipling

If you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you,
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you
But make allowance for their doubting too,
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or being lied about, don’t deal in lies,
Or being hated, don’t give way to hating,
And yet don’t look too good, nor talk too wise:

If you can dream–and not make dreams your master,
If you can think–and not make thoughts your aim;
If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster
And treat those two impostors just the same;
If you can bear to hear the truth you’ve spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken,
And stoop and build ‘em up with worn-out tools:

If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it all on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings
And never breath a word about your loss;
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: “Hold on!”

If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
Or walk with kings–nor lose the common touch,
If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you;
If all men count with you, but none too much,
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds’ worth of distance run,
Yours is the Earth and everything that’s in it,
And–which is more–you’ll be a Man, my son!

Dont control your mind, UNDERSTAND IT!

(Image Source: Flickr.com Suddhajit)

Your conscience is the measure of the honesty of your selfishness. Listen to it carefully. ~ Richard Bach

After our acrimonious breakup, and my spiritual soulmate exasperatedly requesting me to go away from his life, something kept me going back to him to let him know the truth behind my mood swings those days, so that i could restore atleast harmony between us…. my asking him to move on, had nothing to do with him, but my own mind created limitations of the situation and the roles i was playing in my life then.

Since i know he is dating somebody, i clearly have no intentions of distracting him from that relationship, but earnestly wish that we soothe off the bitterness between us….or atleast he learns the truth.

I kept hanging on this long, only becoz i know that, he believes he understood what i I said, but I’m not sure he realizes that, what he heard is not what I meant.

When i love somebody, i can let go of that person wholeheartedly, but hate to keep any disharmony festering.

The fact that, he was still very angry, to me it only showed, i had deeply hurt him with my unconscious behaviour, and behind his anger lay myriads of other emotions….so inspite of being rebuked, i kept trying to reach out….it was an uphill task, as he clearly had no intentons of letting bygones be bygones.

Until last month when i finally decided to cease all my efforts to restore peace between us….as i knew, i had done my best to reach out and apologise.

Today, as i was watching National Geographic channel, i noticed the episode was on his favourite subject of research and passion…as soon as i learnt about the episode, my mind flashed his name…and i hoped he was watching it….i silenced my mind telling it, that he has already mastered the subject and that he doesnt need any more of these simple tips and tricks…and calmly continued watching….

Just when, the researchers started giving research insights, one of the insights was very interesting….thats when, i lost control, and i just ceased to see any reasoning and fear of being rebuked again, and wanted him to watch the episode and not miss it at any cost…as i knew he would benefit from these research insights.

I sent the sms from my moms cell, trying to remain incognito..so that atleast he gets the message to watch the TV show…thats all that i wanted.

Few minutes later, i was lil ticked off for not MOVING AWAY from his life…..my mind had tricked me…… I failed to keep my word….why????????

Was i trying to woo him back? No!
Was i aware, any effort to communicate with him will only mean, he will despise me more? Yes!
Do i need to be in touch with the man i love? No!

I am at peace with my life but wondered why i behaved like i did;…i should have continued watching the episode ignoring my thoughts about him, as if, i didnt know anybody who loves this subject so passionately as him…or reminding myself of his request to not bother him.

I patiently analyzed my behaviour…..

On deeper uncritical introspection, i learnt how my behaviour, had in it some lesson for me to transcend…i learnt, controlling your mind is not the answer, but understanding it is the key!! The antics of my monkey mind! It was a reminder, that i still had a long way to go, loosen my minds grip on my soul.

The mind that achives silence as a result of discipline and determined action, is not a silent mind. Stillness i realized, comes only when you can go beyond the self-enclosing activities of the mind, and to do that you need to understand the whole process of thought, becoz, only when you understand the process, you end it. And ending the process of thought is the beginning of silence.

But since the spirit in which i messaged him , was pure…… i forgived myself once again.

I realized traces of him still existed in my mind, some places/things/songs/words triggered his memories….memories of my relationship wherein i gave myself wholeheartedly except the last days when my mind gnawed my soul completely, which lead to my nervous breakdown and subsequently our breakup.

I am not sad, now that its over, but happy that atleast it happened….and all the profound lessons it brought in its wings….infact, it was the turning point of my life!

I am thankful to the universe, that i got an opportunity to share my life, though for a brief time, with a blessed soul like his…a truly, evolved and beautiful soul!

Can miles truly separate you from friends…. If you want to be with someone you love, aren’t you already there? ~Richard Bach